The ugly bug dating
For me, I think this was the most telling quote: And, ok, that’s a good explanation for why he doesn’t say “I had a threeway last week,” or “I haven’t had sex in over a year,” but it doesn’t explain why men don’t say “touching her breasts made me really horny.” However, I think that’s covered in to openly talk about how turned on he got. Because society labels men creepy when they are open about their sexual feelings.And, I think because men are too ashamed to claim ownership of their sexual feelings, It’s telling that gay men have body image issues more than lesbians. Usually instead of saying “I am turned on by that woman,” a man will say “that woman is hot.” The first phrasing places the locus of control within his own body (aka, in a way, making it “his fault” if he gets turned on), the second phrasing places the locus of control within the woman’s body (making it “her fault” if he gets turned on.) And, he will be inclined to do the second because him get horny, and zomg she was SO HOT it totally wasn’t his fault.Getting too turned on by an “average” girl kind of implies that you’re a desperate weirdo. When I wasn’t dating anyone for 2 years, looked like a total lezzie, and men never hit on me, I felt great about myself.As I get “prettier” to men, and as men do express desire, I begin to feel worse.
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I also think this is why men don’t write about their sex lives.
Damon Young tackles the issue of why men don’t write about sex in this piece here.
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