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••• with credits: photo of Ryan Seacrest ••• Alan Kalter says good night.1/04/11 [3422]: monologue: Thousands of small, deceased black birds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas around New Year's Day.

"There's no harder-working man in show business than myself," Dave informs us. Moments after Alan looks down in order to deliver a top-quality autograph, all three of the teenage anarchists spray Alan's face, hair and trenchcoat fluorescent orange. ••• Tomorrow it will be annouced that Verizon will offer Apple's i Phone™. " ••• TTL sponsor: Alan announces that tonight's list is sponsored by A Company. Tonight, don't miss a rare episode of The Honeymooners, where Ralph and Ed battle crippling addictions." (Jackie Gleason, loaded and stumbling): "Everything's going real fast." (voice-over): "The Honeymooners: Only on TV Land." (voice-over): "As opposition to his regime continued to grow, today President Mubarak announced a multimillion dollar upgrade to the Sphinx." (The Sphinx): "Meow. Meow." (voice-over): "This has been 'Hosni Mubarak: Too Little Too Late.' " 1.

Thousands of contestants auditioned, but only one will win the title of America's Best Dancer, a half-million-dollar-prize, and a role in a real Broadway musical." (clip of Spider-Man falling onto a dancer, as a real actor did in Broadway's Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark on Dec. And I don't want to alarm you, but honest to God, we're knee deep in rats now with the garbage.

20) (title graphic) (voice-over): "Live to Dance: Only on CBS." (clip of Oprah and graphics) (voice-over): "Oprah Winfrey is proud to introduce the new Oprah Winfrey Network. Currently he's reading a book with the contraption, but he's all worked up over the lack of page numbers. Fortunately the city has hired an additional cat." ••• Speaking of garbage, an employee rolls a trash can on wheels next to Tony Mendez.

Back in 2010, Harry Letterman got Sully, part Yellow Lab, part Satan. Please, if you know who this portrait belongs to, please call the Times-News. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan ••• Bill Cosby interview and stories from college ••• The Black Keys sing. And then a Warning Warning Watch Warning, and then a Watch Watch. ••• monologue: "More dead birds last night: the Oregon Ducks." (Auburn beat Oregon in the national championship football game.) ••• It's another of Tom De Lay's weeping buddies. Wait a second." (clip): Someone wipes a goofy-looking thing aside, and we hear the squeaky sound you hear when you're cleaning a window with Windex® and Bounty®, The Quicker Picker-Upper™. We now return you to Webster, already in progress." (voice-over): "Be sure to pick up a copy of A Shore Thing, the debut novel of everyone's favorite Jersey Shore cast member, Snooki." (clips of various staff members) (voice-over): "Use it to prop up a wobbly table. " When Dave finds something he likes, he goes with it. For example, he once bought 2,000,000 pairs of socks that he liked. All of a sudden, for the last three weeks Dave can't get it to stick to his face, so he appointed his assistant, Brenda, to call 'em today, and they claimed they're having nozzle trouble. ) ••• back to the TTL ••• Vince Vaughn plugs The Dilemma. She is awesome.) ••• Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz plug the History Channel's American Pickers. 1/12/11 [3428]: interruption: Two warmly-dressed rascals wielding snow shovels approach Dave. ••• Dave has some colorful, elbow-length Vet-Pro™ gloves for handling some of the critters Jungle Jack Hanna is about to bring out. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan ••• Pauley Perrette plugs NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service. Sunshine, and gives us too much information about current medical procedures. Chris says of his daughters, "I'm very proud of both of them," then goes on to say, "I've gotta tell you, the first time that Abby was announced on SNL, I was so proud, but the... the proudest moment for me was when you announced her and she came out on this show." ••• The National sing. 2/02/11 [3438]: Photoshop fun: It's Mayor Bloomberg as a groundhog. I'm standing backstage in front of a green screen." (Dave): "Uh huh.

If no one claims it by September 1st, we will do something with it." ••• outside cam: an awesome helicopter shot from above a New York City bridge ••• Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi presents the Top Ten Reasons to Buy the New Snooki Book. I'd never heard of it, but they go around and buy junk that they turn around and sell as movie props, crap for interior designers, etc. At least they're not hoarders, who'll save their gum wrappers, pizza boxes, dead pets, etc. "We'll shovel your sidewalk for twenty bucks," the one with the more-ridiculous hat offers. Jack has a Zorilla (striped polecat), a little joey (kangaroo) and a Binturong (Malaysian bearcat that smells like popcorn, and can kill a cobra). ••• "Alan Kalter's Super Bowl Preview" / (Dave): "OK, Alan, take it away! ••• monologue: Charlie Sheen's home is known as Villa de Kilo. And, do you have any information on the latest developments at all, Bob?

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