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One woman Nobile spoke to during her research said that she only introduces her kids to her new partner after six months of dating—but that might not feel right for you. And that also goes for whether you have a discussion with your ex about dating.

If you have an amicable relationship, Nobile and Ashworth recommend clueing him in so you both know who will be spending time with your children.

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We cannot stress it enough: Self-care is critical here to move forward and find what we need to truly be happy and fulfilled.” Of course, there are also women out there dating in their 40s who aren’t looking for the white picket fence and 2.5 kids—and that’s okay too.

”Truth be told, While I found my friend beautiful, likable, and funny I wasn’t romantically attracted to her in the slightest.

It ended up confusing her because I always wanted to hang out, yet she also had romantic feelings.

“Really ask yourself some tough questions about what worked for you in this marriage, what did you bring to the table that didn’t work, [and] what would you like to work on before you get into another relationship,” she says.

“Once you feel like you’re working on that—whether it’s through therapy or whether it’s talking through it with a friend or really just thinking about it—then move on to the next exercise of who it is you really want to go after.” And how do you figure that out, exactly?

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